DJ and I have always tried to be
intentional about dating. When we first got together back in 2005, one
of our very first dates was to create a date box. It was all kinds of
classy, what with it being decorated with feathers and mermaid stickers
and monster trucks and all. We filled it up with all the fun and free
kind of dates that us two poor college kids could muster up and every
Monday night during our senior year of college we would draw a date and
then off we would go, broke yet blissful, and falling in love along the
way. We bungee jumped and played campus golf and went bowling and looked
at stars and just had the time of our lives.
Then we got
married and dating stayed easy. Looking back, how could it not?! We were
young and childless and had all the time in the world! Twenty something
things like staying out late and crowds and loud music didn't yet
bother me so we went to concerts and out for fancy dinners and had
weekend long hotel stays because did I mention that we were rich?! We
were two young professionals with full time jobs! And those jobs may
have been in ministry, which everyone knows (does not) pay the big
bucks, but even two ministry jobs feels quite millionareish when
compared to the one income family we now are, much less the zero income
situation we just recently came out of. Rich, I tell ya! We went to the
movies every Friday and enjoyed as many dates as we wanted because of
all that time on our hands and all that money in our pockets.
Fast
forward to 2014 when Moses was brand new home and we happily put date
nights on hold for this little boy who needed time to adjust and to
learn to trust us, much less anyone else we may have left him with. We
spent months cultivating his relationships with family and friends so
that when the time came for us to go out again, he would be good and
ready, secure and fully trusting that we would come back for him. That
work paid off, because five months later we had our first date again
where we went to BRUNCH and A MOVIE and out for A LONG CAR DRIVE and oh
my goodness, it was all my favorite things wrapped up in a 6 hour slice
of heaven and so many thanks to Amy for loving and watching our boy
because and it went well and we all survived. It was grand. But... it
was over too short and back to another long stretch of no dates and did I
mention that I adore being a momma but sometimes this season of life
can bring many dateless days. Those weekly spur of the moment date
nights were becoming a thing of the past that would now require much
more planning to happen. Worth it, of course, but just not as easy as it
once was.
So then it was 2015 and I got pregnant and
dates were rare and I was feeling it. The babysitting situation can be
so hard. We don't live near family (yet! but soon!), are not in love
with the
idea of having to pay for both a date AND a babysitter, because hello--
money, and let's be honest: when it comes to the free kind of best friend
babysitters, well.... sometimes they offer, and sometimes we ask, but the friends we would trust to watch our kids are
the very ones we want to go on double dates with so that's quite the debacle, is it not?! All of
this coupled with a newborn and I started to get the idea that it might
be a really long time before those weekly date nights were our reality
once again.
So....for Christmas that year, I pulled out our good
ole date box from 2005 and filled it with 52 free (or almost free) and
little to no planning At Home Date Nights to do the following year. The
idea was that we would have one date night a week and that each month
would have dates that focused on food, entertainment, conversation and
intimacy to ensure that our date life stayed holistic and well rounded,
even if from home. Well, let's just be real and say that I was a tad
overzealous. 52 date nights with a newborn? I must be crazy. I think I
was in bed by 8:00 every night until May and even my sad attempts to
stay up and watch a simple TV show with DJ would have me asleep on the
couch within 5 minutes of it's start. So 52 date nights did not happen.
I'm not sure that 15 even did. No biggie. Because there is real life and
there are babies and much needed sleep and grace and we are trying
again this year.
We learned from our reality that 52 dates
was not as easy to accomplish as I had hoped. So this year, we decided
to cut it in half; we went through the pile and we each picked our 12
favorite dates. We put them in a mug on the stove so that the topic of
date night is always seen and visible and we decided that Thursdays
would be our day. Last Thursday, we drew a date. We took note of any
money, shopping or planning that would need to be done and this Thursday
we'll date away. Next Thursday we draw again. The following Thursday,
we'll get our date on. And so on and so forth. We are trying to date
once again.
It's only January, but so far this year we are
starting off strong. And, I may be biased, but I think our dates are
super fun. And in case you're in a season of slim to none dating and
need some fun and mostly free ideas at home, I thought I would share
ours from this year. Minus the intimacy ones. You're on your own there,
my friend. (Unless you're a girl and you really want ideas, then text
me. But let's stay off the internet for that. For real.)
And now, drumroll please.... our dates for 2017:
- Power outage date night--- no lights or technology; just candles & conversation
- Grill out and chill out
- Wine and Cheese Night
- Movie Night- Courtney's pick
- Work on a home improvement project together
- Make a fancy dinner together
- Date Night Jenga with each block having a Truth or Dare prompt
- Hot chocolate by the fire
- All About Us Charades game
- Pizza and a movie in bed
- Funny YouTube videos of people pranking and scaring each other
- Puzzle and Dessert Night
- Video Game Marathon
- Iron Chef Challenge- pick one ingredient and incorporate it into every dish
- Culture
Night- make dinner (or order take out) from a different country and
then watch a movie or documentary from that corner of the world
- Bookstore Date at Home- hot drinks, yummy appetizers and books and magazines and quiet and reading
- Christmas in July- drink hot chocolate, get each other one gift each, and watch a Christmas movie
- Fondue Night
- Movie Night- DJ's pick
- Monday Night football complete with wings and junk food
We actually weeded out a lot of our conversation dates for the sake of Thursday nights. We have coffee dates every Saturday and Sunday morning and we like to go on long drives, so we shifted our talking dates to those times; things like setting goals, re-evaluating our marriage and parenting, talking about politics, discussing hard & confusing theological matters, etc. Hence the reason why the majority of our Thursday dates are now focused on fun and food. We have a bunch more on the back burner too, but these are just the ones we
picked for this year. And, if I can sneak a few more in, I totally will
and you better believe it will be things like a) Charcuterie Night,
because yum and b) Teeth Bleaching Night because we love coffee too much
and also, we are hot like that and c) Play a practical joke on Moses
because we are hilarious and awesome and probably sending him straight
to the therapy couch.
So there you have it. Happy dating!
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