DJ and I have always tried to be
intentional about dating. When we first got together back in 2005, one
of our very first dates was to create a date box. It was all kinds of
classy, what with it being decorated with feathers and mermaid stickers
and monster trucks and all. We filled it up with all the fun and free
kind of dates that us two poor college kids could muster up and every
Monday night during our senior year of college we would draw a date and
then off we would go, broke yet blissful, and falling in love along the
way. We bungee jumped and played campus golf and went bowling and looked
at stars and just had the time of our lives.
Then we got
married and dating stayed easy. Looking back, how could it not?! We were
young and childless and had all the time in the world! Twenty something
things like staying out late and crowds and loud music didn't yet
bother me so we went to concerts and out for fancy dinners and had
weekend long hotel stays because did I mention that we were rich?! We
were two young professionals with full time jobs! And those jobs may
have been in ministry, which everyone knows (does not) pay the big
bucks, but even two ministry jobs feels quite millionareish when
compared to the one income family we now are, much less the zero income
situation we just recently came out of. Rich, I tell ya! We went to the
movies every Friday and enjoyed as many dates as we wanted because of
all that time on our hands and all that money in our pockets.
Fast
forward to 2014 when Moses was brand new home and we happily put date
nights on hold for this little boy who needed time to adjust and to
learn to trust us, much less anyone else we may have left him with. We
spent months cultivating his relationships with family and friends so
that when the time came for us to go out again, he would be good and
ready, secure and fully trusting that we would come back for him. That
work paid off, because five months later we had our first date again
where we went to BRUNCH and A MOVIE and out for A LONG CAR DRIVE and oh
my goodness, it was all my favorite things wrapped up in a 6 hour slice
of heaven and so many thanks to Amy for loving and watching our boy
because and it went well and we all survived. It was grand. But... it
was over too short and back to another long stretch of no dates and did I
mention that I adore being a momma but sometimes this season of life
can bring many dateless days. Those weekly spur of the moment date
nights were becoming a thing of the past that would now require much
more planning to happen. Worth it, of course, but just not as easy as it
once was.
So then it was 2015 and I got pregnant and
dates were rare and I was feeling it. The babysitting situation can be
so hard. We don't live near family (yet! but soon!), are not in love
with the
idea of having to pay for both a date AND a babysitter, because hello--
money, and let's be honest: when it comes to the free kind of best friend
babysitters, well.... sometimes they offer, and sometimes we ask, but the friends we would trust to watch our kids are
the very ones we want to go on double dates with so that's quite the debacle, is it not?! All of
this coupled with a newborn and I started to get the idea that it might
be a really long time before those weekly date nights were our reality
once again.
So....for Christmas that year, I pulled out our good
ole date box from 2005 and filled it with 52 free (or almost free) and
little to no planning At Home Date Nights to do the following year. The
idea was that we would have one date night a week and that each month
would have dates that focused on food, entertainment, conversation and
intimacy to ensure that our date life stayed holistic and well rounded,
even if from home. Well, let's just be real and say that I was a tad
overzealous. 52 date nights with a newborn? I must be crazy. I think I
was in bed by 8:00 every night until May and even my sad attempts to
stay up and watch a simple TV show with DJ would have me asleep on the
couch within 5 minutes of it's start. So 52 date nights did not happen.
I'm not sure that 15 even did. No biggie. Because there is real life and
there are babies and much needed sleep and grace and we are trying
again this year.
We learned from our reality that 52 dates
was not as easy to accomplish as I had hoped. So this year, we decided
to cut it in half; we went through the pile and we each picked our 12
favorite dates. We put them in a mug on the stove so that the topic of
date night is always seen and visible and we decided that Thursdays
would be our day. Last Thursday, we drew a date. We took note of any
money, shopping or planning that would need to be done and this Thursday
we'll date away. Next Thursday we draw again. The following Thursday,
we'll get our date on. And so on and so forth. We are trying to date
once again.
It's only January, but so far this year we are
starting off strong. And, I may be biased, but I think our dates are
super fun. And in case you're in a season of slim to none dating and
need some fun and mostly free ideas at home, I thought I would share
ours from this year. Minus the intimacy ones. You're on your own there,
my friend. (Unless you're a girl and you really want ideas, then text
me. But let's stay off the internet for that. For real.)
And now, drumroll please.... our dates for 2017:
Power outage date night--- no lights or technology; just candles & conversation
Grill out and chill out
Wine and Cheese Night
Movie Night- Courtney's pick
Work on a home improvement project together
Make a fancy dinner together
Date Night Jenga with each block having a Truth or Dare prompt
Hot chocolate by the fire
All About Us Charades game
Pizza and a movie in bed
Funny YouTube videos of people pranking and scaring each other
Puzzle and Dessert Night
Video Game Marathon
Iron Chef Challenge- pick one ingredient and incorporate it into every dish
Culture
Night- make dinner (or order take out) from a different country and
then watch a movie or documentary from that corner of the world
Bookstore Date at Home- hot drinks, yummy appetizers and books and magazines and quiet and reading
Christmas in July- drink hot chocolate, get each other one gift each, and watch a Christmas movie
Fondue Night
Movie Night- DJ's pick
Monday Night football complete with wings and junk food
We actually weeded out a lot of our conversation dates for the sake of Thursday nights. We have coffee dates every Saturday and Sunday morning and we like to go on long drives, so we shifted our talking dates to those times; things like setting goals, re-evaluating our marriage and parenting, talking about politics, discussing hard & confusing theological matters, etc. Hence the reason why the majority of our Thursday dates are now focused on fun and food. We have a bunch more on the back burner too, but these are just the ones we
picked for this year. And, if I can sneak a few more in, I totally will
and you better believe it will be things like a) Charcuterie Night,
because yum and b) Teeth Bleaching Night because we love coffee too much
and also, we are hot like that and c) Play a practical joke on Moses
because we are hilarious and awesome and probably sending him straight
to the therapy couch.
A while ago, I posted about the things I was loving in life, all of which included food because duh. Food is still pretty much my favorite as evidenced by the fact that a) I cannot stop thinking about the sweet potato chip duck confit I had the other day, b) I about died when I found out there is a legit beignet shop just ten minutes down the road from me, and c) I get food anxiety any time I think I might have to skip a meal....but, I digress. Food aside, there are some other pretty great things that I have been enjoying lately that are worth talking about. Things like:
Year Up. Most people know that I genuinely loved the four months that DJ was unemployed last year. Extra time with my favorite person? Help with the kids? Family time all day every day? Yes please. But I am equally happy to report that DJ started a new job just before Christmas and this place is awesome, ya'll. He is the Site Operations Manager for Year Up, a non profit that exists to empower low income young adults to go from poverty to professional careers in a single year. We were impressed with the organization while he interviewed, and we have only become more and more impressed with all that he has seen and learned since joining their team a little over a month ago. DJ was offered a few different jobs while unemployed and with each one, we felt led to take a risk and decline, believing that God had something else in store. Year Up was the provision we were believing for and we are beyond excited for him to be a part of all that they are doing in the community. This organization is legit and is doing a powerful, incredible work. What a blessing it has been to our little family so far. Plus, DJ has to wear a suit and tie to work and dang... smokin' hot, I tell ya.
The Crown. Hello, have you guys seen this? First of all, I deserve a total pat on the back because I have historically not liked movies or shows that a) do not take place in this time period or b) are unrealistic. I understand that this virtually limits my TV and film viewing by 98% and how deprived this must make me in the entertainment world. But I am really, really trying to broaden my horizon in multiple areas, and I decided to give The Crown a try despite the fact that I almost always have to watch British television with the subtitles on because I absolutely cannot understand what they are saying. Ya'll, this show is so good. Claire Foy is a phenomenal actress and I have become so engrossed with Queen Elizabeth and what on earth it must be like to try and be a wife and mother and woman while also being the head of a nation. What a difficult task and she has done and is doing it with such elegance and grace. It is fascinating and I now want to soak up all I can about the royal family.
The 2017 Christian Reading Challenge. DJ put me up to this and I both love it and hate it. Love it? Well, because I really, really love to read. Hate it? Because I just want to read what is easy or fun or peaks my interest and doing this challenge with DJ means that I am going to have to read some things that I don't necessarily care about. I even tried to pick topics that would be difficult or stretching for me because I truly do want to be stretched and educated. We each picked 6 books to read, one for each month of the year and we will read & discuss them together. DJ's topics cover racial issues, world leaders, classics, humor and recommendations from friends and book lists, whereas mine cover WWII, business, suffering, history, the reformation, and a theological viewpoint that I disagree with. DJ got January so we are currently reading The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander, and it is a weighty, complex and sorrowful read. It has been incredibly eye opening and challenging and confusing and I admit that I am only beginning to unearth the difficult issues at stake within the African American community and the problematic reality of mass incarceration. I don't even know where to begin with articulating any of it, but my mind has not shut down since starting the book. We watched 13th as a supplement to our read and I have heard great things about Just Mercy, too; a book I hope to read soon in order to continue uncovering these issues I have never before known or considered.
Staying at home. In general, I love and am filled with gratitude for the opportunity to stay at home with my boys. But, for the purpose of this post, I am being more literal. Like, actually staying at the house. Me and the boys have just been home a lot lately which is kind of new and different for a momma like me who typically tends to stay busy. Admittedly, this has been hard. I have felt kind of cooped up and the more time at home with just me and the kids inevitably means more concentrated time on intentionally training, discipling, teaching, guiding, encouraging, playing and disciplining my boys. It's so good. But also so hard. Being a mom is no joke and there are so many days that I feel depleted and discouraged. But a lot of time at home has been so, so good for my boys. I have seen a lot of fruit in our lives as the result of not being constantly on the go. I have been given a number of opportunities to engage and pour out in ways that may have been missed if our schedule had been more full. And so, I am growing to value a lot of time at home & simplicity in our schedule. But seriously. I'm also going a little stir crazy so let's hang out, okay?
Hiking! Did you guys know that you could do this in Texas? Because I didn't. We took the boys hiking at Beaver's Bend State Park in Broken Bow, OK in December and loved it so much that I came home determined to do it more often. I am convinced it is one of the very best things for my boys, to be out in nature with the freedom to explore and discover and throw rocks to their little hearts content. And apparently, Dallas has a ton of natural trails so it is my aim to go a lot this year. A lot. Friends welcome, so come on.
Torie Lin Fitness. I used to work out in community and that was awesome. Friends and fitness should always go together. But then my workout buddy moved away, and then I moved away, and then working out with friends stopped altogether. Overtime, my work out routine looked like laughing in the face of something too challenging and choosing an easier set instead. Oh, and then following it up with chocolate for breakfast. It was getting a tad pathetic. I was losing muscle and gaining cellulite and getting out of breath when I walked up the stairs. Hello, that is just sad. And then in January, my sweet friend blessed me with a month long challenge program called Strong Her by Torie Lin Fitness and it has been awesome. She creates all the work outs for me (plus eating plans, plus devotionals, plus so much more) and wouldn't you know it, I am actually doing it and feeling it and getting my muscles back. Amen for that.
Lastly, it should never go unnoticed that I love coffee and sweatpants. So much. Too much.
At the end of every year, when me and DJ take the Christmas decorations down, we always stop to make a list of the things we hope and pray the Lord will do over the course of the next year. We fold them up, put them in our stockings, and pack them away in the attic until the next year when we take them out and see if and how the Lord's provision and works matched our hopes and dreams. It's a fun little tradition we do and a way to document all that the Lord has done. This year I noticed that my "hopes and dreams" were less hopey and dreamy and were more like the typical, first world, American new year's resolutions that everyone seems to have. There's nothing romantic about them and they are fairly average which feels a little boring and traditional, both of which I am learning that I am! But still, they are the things that I hope are accomplished in my life this year so I thought I would share anyway. This year, I wrote down things like:
Eat healthy. BORING. Ya'll, I love potatoes and bread and my favorite food group is fat. As in, I literally drink heavy cream straight from the carton, it's just that delicious. Me and DJ love second dinner and there's nothing like putting the kids to bed and staying up late to eat a pint of ice cream together. Cream. Sauce. Dips. Anything heavy or starchy or fried or chocolately. Yes please. And yet, I am learning that I can no longer eat whatever I want at the ripe old age of 32 and I suppose I should maybe start eating better. Not because I am worried about my weight, but because I have this new friend name cellulite who has barged her way straight into my life with a vengeance. And by my life, I obviously mean my thighs.
Love my phone less. Let's be honest; I think this has been on my list since the invention of the iPhone. It is seriously so hard for me. I created a list of phone boundaries for myself to follow in 2014 and then started to implement them over a year later because I'm just that good at goals, ya'll. I blogged about it here, and due to a growing annoyance with social media and hating the way it pulls me away from my family, I am finally, finally starting to love my phone just a little bit less. I have hardly been on social media at all in the past month and it has been so great. I may not know what's going on in the world or in your life, but my mind feels less cluttered and my heart feels more full and I am glad for the little social media break. I am sure I will be pulled back in soon enough though, so I will see you all there when I do.
Research education. Moses just turned 4, but the education question is a huge stresser for me. In a makes me hyperventilate while my pits sweat through my shirt kind of way. I know we have time to decide, but I also know my tendency to ignore things that overwhelm me and to rush into decisions that I am not happy with because I wanted to avoid making them in the first place. Here's a shocking confession: I am currently more drawn to home school than any other option. Say whaaaa? I didn't knew I had it in me! But I get more and more excited with every little bit I learn and it leaves me excited to further explore that option. Obviously me and DJ have a lot of research to do and will make the decision together, but that is where my own heart has been leaning and I just never would have thought it. Eat healthy. Consider home school. I am just full of surprises these days.
Have all the babies. Birth them. Adopt them. Love them. Okay, so maybe this is a tad ambitious to accomplish in the course of one year, but a girl can dream, eh?
Take myself less seriously. Perfectionism is a beast. I want to better understand freedom and grace and to give myself permission to fail. I don't want to be so beat up and burned out by struggles and mistakes and I want to shrug and laugh it off and then keep on going without so much fear of how I am screwing up. This is so contrary to how I am wired but it's a gift that's been given to me by God so I want to learn to embrace it. Tips appreciated.
So you see? Nothing fancy or even fun really. Rather typical. But my hopes and dreams nonetheless and we'll see how I fare. Tell me... what are yours?!
