Friday, September 23, 2016

Mom Thoughts On The Internet | Part Deuce

Last month I wrote about some of my thoughts, questions and concerns on the internet, it's influence over my life, and it's affect on my parenting. News flash: I have not arrived. Will I ever? The internet is here to stay and I will always be sanctifying in my momness; surely there is fluidity here. I am still thinking through all the same things and modifying my use of technology, some days better than others. But it's been a month since I last wrote and I think that is a considerable amount of time to both adhere to and reflect on the boundaries I made. And so, here are some thoughts I have one month into my new internet norm:
  • I've kept my phone on me a lot less and I can feel a difference. I keep the phone on the counter, or sometimes in my room, and have been able to go hours without needing or even wanting it. My family has noticed too and I felt a sense of pride when Moses asked if I could look up something for him "later", proof that he had grown accustomed to me not having my phone on me and able to look things up at a moments notice. 
  • I've been trying to use my phone for just phone things, so that my kids don't question what I am doing on my phone all the time. This means I have been looking up recipes in magazines instead of on Pinterest and making a grocery list on paper instead of in Notes. Throw back! It means that when I want to know what the weather is, I step outside and feel it myself, and it means I try to discern what is worth knowing before I spend time looking it up. It's not as convenient as using my phone for every literal thing, but it has been nice and it has been simple.
  • There is so much time in a day! Without my phone constantly on me, I have been more able to slow down and enjoy the moment. We have spent lots of time laying on the floor as a family, the kids crawling over and playing with and on us, and have enjoyed the quiet, simple, tech free moments. And, there has been so much time for snuggling! Me and DJ have always done Family Cuddle Time, even before kids, and it's become a tradition the four of us now share... but I have noticed a significant increase in the amount of snuggles around here and that is something I hope we always make more and more time for. There can never be enough snuggles or snickles (snuggle.tickles) in our home. 
  • On the down side, I don't have my phone with me to capture every moment I want to remember. My kids just do all the cute things and I want to capture every one of them, and not having my phone on me basically means I can't. So, I've tried to slow down and just savor the moments, hoping they sear into my mind forever. Me and Moses have even pulled a few Jim and Pam's, taking mental pictures instead of digital ones:
  • I've tried to find a healthy balance of what to share and when. The days between August and November are super special in my family, full of significant adoption milestones and memories of our first encounters with our son. Part of me wants to blast those pictures and stories for the world to share, and honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. I want to find the balance of sharing our journey, boasting in and educating others in the gift that is adoption, and rejoicing in all that the Lord has done. But at the same time, I want to honor my son's story and keep some of those things as sacred and special and just for us. It's a hard tension and I think I will just discern what to share and when on an individual basis as those days and anniversaries arise. Last year I shared, this year I haven't... and maybe next year I will again. But this time around, I tried to just relish those things with just my husband and my son and instead of telling Instagram, I picked up the phone and called a friend to say, "Hey! Two years ago today I met Moses for the first time!" There is something about rejoicing with a friend that just goes a lot further than a hundred likes. 
  • It takes me longer to respond to texts, but then again, I am not getting as many. It turns out, when you aren't on your phone as much, there's less to respond to and do. I'm also just trying to work on email and respond to the texts that I didn't get to during the day either after the kids are in bed or before they wake up. So, I apologize in advance if you get a text from me at 11:00pm or 6:30 am. My kids might not be suffering from my phone time, but you sure as heck are.
  • I still don't know how I feel about posting my kids pictures. Am I putting them at danger or risk? Honest confession: I like to brag on them so I do it anyway. I mean, really... how cute are they?!
To be fair, I haven't done all of this perfectly. I haven't stuck to my boundaries 100% and I think that's okay, because this isn't a subject that can be black and white and I want to walk in freedom. I've checked social media in moments that I probably shouldn't have simply because I was bored and wanted to check out to something mindless. I've checked my email when I didn't have the time to and then felt pressured to respond so I could check it off my list. I've still texted while driving which is the worst habit ever and should be the first to go. Just a minute ago, I was so enthralled in something on my computer that I didn't notice that Jones had completely spilled the dog food. So, I haven't figured it all out, but I have made some changes and those changes have been good. I really hope they stick.

I still really want to have open dialogue about this. I want to know what boundaries other people have on their phones, what tech rules they have for themselves and their kids. How do you protect against technology in your home, and how do you celebrate and embrace it? What thoughts do other people give to posting pictures and details about their kids online and what determines if and when you do or do not share? Just some thoughts I have... it's a running conversation in my head so I'm happy to talk through it at any time.

Some fun resources for thought:
xoxo,
courtney
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