Forty Before Forty: An Update

Today is the eve of my thirty fourth birthday!! Old lady over here, ya'll. I'm finding wiry gray hairs, I get winded just walking up the stairs, and my hips hurt simply from existing. I may not be "thirty and flirty" but I'm obviously aging well over here. All that to say, turning another year older caused me to remember the Forty Before Forty list I created a few years back. You know, that intentional list I created and then promptly forgot about as soon as it was written. Curious as to what I may have unintentionally crossed off that list in the past two years, I just pulled it up for a refresher. And, I'm a little impressed with myself, ya'll! I've actually done more than one of them! And so, in honor of my birthday tomorrow and in hopeful anticipation of what the next six years will bring, here is the progress I have made thus far. *My progress, or lack thereof, is denoted in red.

Before I turn 40, I hope to....

1. Always be reading a book. I started this year and it has been so good for my brain. Check! My friend Andrea got me back into reading a few years ago and I am so thankful. In this season of life where I am not working and spend the majority of my time with little people, it has been a way for me to grow and learn and feed my mind and escape into someone else's shoes for a bit. Here are my three favorite books since setting this goal two years ago, one from each year and each a different genre:

Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Every Secret Thing by Patricia Campbell Hearst

America's First Daughter by Stephanie Dray & Laura Kamoie

2. Take a big trip for our 10 year anniversary. It's next year. TEN YEARS. I feel like such a grown up. We did this! We went to Chicago! And we ate charcuterie and drank wine and rode on the top of a double decker bus in 19 degree weather and it was bliss. 

 
3. Grow our family. Both by birth and through adoption. I pretty much want all the babies. So far I'm three for three, but don't be too impressed. My goal setting accomplishments start to decline here real quick. But as for this one...Meet Henry. He's happy and easy and the most smiley baby I have ever known. Talk of more is not completely off the table.

4. Mentor and be mentored. Any takers? I invested exactly zero effort in this one, but I still desire it. I need some wisdom, and I have a very little bit to dole out too.

5. Start my own business. I have three ideas up my sleeve... I just need to go for it. I think I also need money to do this, but I'll just cross that bridge when I get there. Those three ideas? They still exist in my mind, plus two more. And they're pretty good ideas if I do say so myself. But if I understand correctly, it takes some initiative to start a business and I have very little of that, so in my mind they will stay.

6. Get my nose pierced. Again. Because you're only young once and I'm running out of time. I still want this! Maybe tomorrow, ya'll. Probably not. But maybe.

7. Chop off my hair. Let's be honest, I don't like change. I keep the same haircut for no less than ten years because I'm scared to do anything drastic. But I think it would be fun to go all out so I'm working up the nerve. I did it! Okay, maybe I didn't exactly get as drastic of a cut as I had hoped because home girl over here doesn't do change that well, but I did cut off several inches and that felt like a big deal. General consensus? I like the feel of a fresh cut, but I think I prefer the ease of longer hair. 

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

8. Go to Asheville. I am in love with this place that I have never even been. Girl trip, anyone?

9. Write a children's book. And a grown up book. One time, I started a children's book on the Notes app in my phone. And then I stopped. So, nope, no progress here.

10. Learn to embrace imperfection. And messy hair. Working on it! I have really, really tried to embrace my natural hair, which is both imperfect and messy. I don't love it and it takes humility to not look done up or feel pretty all the time, but it's just more practical in this season of my life.

11. Grow in confidence as a momma. It is the hardest, most beautiful job I have ever done. I've never had to plead with the Lord more to protect my kids from my mistakes. But I also want to learn to give myself grace and to be okay with my kids seeing me fail. It's good for me and for them. Perfect mommas don't need Jesus and Lord knows that I surely do. Slowly but surely, ya'll. This year I have seen the Lord grant so much freedom and grace. But I still find myself to be a bit too harpy at times and that's not ideal. Momming. It's a daily dose of sanctification.

12. Take a cooking class. I think a more realistic goal would be for me to continue being friends with Julie and Lydia, the two most gourmet cooks I know. I'll be sure to eat good food with zero effort of my own and that sounds like a better idea than the first.

13. Go on a Fall Foliage bed & breakfast road trip. Still a dream.

14. Napa Valley vacay. Enough said. Also, still a dream.

15. See the Northern Lights. I'm actually kinda iffy on this one. I've heard they're not all they're chalked up to be. Meh. I think I am losing interest. But this year I have become fascinated with US History and I think I really want to take a tour up the east coast to see some of our nation's most historic sites, specifically Monticello.

16. Take a fitness class at a trampoline park. I still really want to do this. It might help me lose those last 5 pounds of baby weight. Lord knows the chocolate I eat each day isn't helping.

17. Retake our wedding pictures for our Ten Year. First of all, our original pictures suck. We didn't even get them until our 4th year of marriage (and here is the super sweet video of the time DJ finally tracked them down and surprised me with them). I just need to decide if I want to trash the dress or just get all dressed up and include the kids to show how our marriage and family has changed and grown in ten years. Or maybe I'll do both, because how fun would that be?! Welp, this didn't happen. In fact, we have almost zero pictures of the five of us. Time to pull out that selfie stick we purchased.

18. Have a prom party. Because my birthday is in prom season and because once you're married, it kinda feels like you will never again have the opportunity to get all dressed up ever. There are no balls or galas in my life and I want to get dressed up, dangit! The whole shibang. Fancy gown, professional hair and make up, a limo, a group of friends and a fancy dinner. Oh yea, and maybe dancing, too. This is still my dream. I think I'll ring in 40 with this one. It will be the world's most epic party.

19. Get Moses' name changed on his social security card. This is actually beyond my control but I've been working on it for almost a year and it very well may be the end of me. This happened! Thank you, government.

20. Expose our family to the global church in our own backyard. We've always talked about how one Sunday a month we'd like to visit churches of other ethnic and denominational backgrounds in order to help to keep both the nations and the Church tangibly before us. I hope we start doing this soon. I still love the thought of this, but I equally don't want to miss a Sunday service at our church so we have yet to implement this. It's a beautiful idea though, huh?

21. Create a capsule wardrobe. Or better yet, have someone do this for me. I still want to do this, but it turns out that it takes money to do this and I'm a cheapo, so there you have it.

22. Find a realistic & healthy balance with social media. Because this is always a battle for me. Eesh. After years of struggling with this, I am finally finding my balance. I have been on social media very little this year and it has been good for my heart.

23. Go to a Korean Spa. Actually, get DJ to go to one. He's too modest for his own good. I'm not sure the idea of public nudity still sounds appealing to me, or why it ever did. But spas in general? Yes please. And, I have started going to get reflexology done and that right there is a way more affordable and much better massage experience than, say, Massage Heights or Massage Envy. I am sold.

24. Move. Or learn to love Garland. No, wait. Move. I have the exact same hot and cold relationship with this one.

25. Be able to think about and decide on my kids' education without hyperventilating and getting sweaty pits. I did this! We have found our niche with Classical Conversations and it has been one of my greatest joys to teach and learn alongside Moses this past year.

26. Stop eating dessert every day. Just kidding. This little habit started the day Jones was born and it's a little gem that I hope never goes away. I just love chocolate too much.

27. Discover a creative outlet. My perfectionism tends to be a killjoy in this arena. Hmmm. Nope, I haven't done this one.

28. Learn to cut my own bangs. This might not seem like a big deal, but I typically refrain from doing things I can fail at. Especially when that failure is on my face. (I actually cut my bangs for the very first time like two weeks ago. It wasn't the best ever. But, it wasn't awful either.) I decided to grow them out instead. Easier and with much better luck than taking scissors to my own hair.

29. Go to a Happy Hour Live event! Yes please. I basically have a girl crush on Jamie Ivey. I didn't do this, but I did go to her book tour! And with new girl friends! I was really branching out with both things, and I'm so glad I did. 

30. Join a book club. This has been one of my happiest things this past year! Grown up time! Conversation about books! Gourmet food! And girls who are becoming my most favorite people! What's not to love? 

Book Club Christmas Party. We did a Blind Date With A Book gift exchange and ate all this food. It was not disappointing.

Discussing Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan. One of my favorite Book Club reads to date.

Discussing Sourdough by Robin Sloan. I didn't love the book, but we ate actual homemade Sourdough from a 200 year old starter and laughed our arses off this night and it was one of the best meetings yet.

31. Care less about being loved and accepted. Care more about being loving and accepting. A daily battle, with little progress. I am a sinner, afterall.

32. Learn to be okay with a simple Christmas. It's easy to buy into the hooplah. To feel the pressure to spend a lot of money and to buy a lot of things. But honestly? It stresses me out every year and it can kinda be a killjoy. I want Christmas to be about our sweet little traditions. About baking and sharing meals and time together and making memories. Some gifts, yes, but not many and not for everyone. And I want to be okay with that. I think the more babies we have around Christmas, the less we feel capable of spending all of our time and all of our money on all the people and all the things around the holidays. We are learning to feel free in this. We also had the best and most simplest Christmas this past year, with a new pace that I hope we can duplicate every year. You can read about it in the last paragraph of this post.

33. Take a ballet class. I'm being serious. Not this, but I did take a barre class and that was fun! 
 
34. Expand & diversify my friend group. It's all too easy to stick to people who look and act and think just like you. But there is value and beauty and much to learn from in the differences too and I hope to see this more in my life. This hasn't necessarily happened the way that I wanted it to. But I am learning that the new friends in my life have their own eccentric and eclectic flares and that they are interested in and knowledgeable about things I would never have cared to learn about if not for them. Their influence has helped me to broaden my horizons and for that I am thankful.

35. Somehow end up on one of the Ellen In Your Ear pranks. Those things are hilarious. This is completely out of my control, but it should still happen.

36. Learn how to be girly. There's more to fixing hair than just a straightener or a pony tail, but I'm just not sure what. And accessorizing seems fun minus the part about not wanting to spend my money on accessories. And, I want to smell good! Oh and rompers and wedges and high waisted swim suits and shirts that tuck into pencil skirts. Can someone please devote a weekend to teaching me about all these things?! I tried this. I bought all the lotions and hair products and perfumes and trendy boots and super cute accessories and it's fun at times but I think when it comes down to it, I'm just the more casual type and that's okay. My friend Emily from Montana says that where she comes from, the girls don't get dolled up and they just wear jeans and hoodies everywhere they go. Which basically means that I need to move there.

37. Go to the airport on a whim and purchase the cheapest out of state plane ticket. As long as that place is somewhere fun and not lame. Spend the weekend enjoying said city. Me and DJ talk about this often. One day we will do it.

38. Take a photoshop class. Who even put this on my list? Why is it even on here? What is Photoshop? I have a feeling this is on here because I need it for number 5 (starting my own business), but I seriously have no clue what Photoshop is or why I want to learn about it. So I'm taking this off and in it's place I'll put.... learn to garden.

39. Learn to strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. People are fascinating and I want to know all their stories. My friend Mackenzie is great at this. So is Brandon Stanton. I basically want to be him because Humans of New York is fascinating. Nope. I am growing more introverted and socially awkward with each passing year.

40. Figure out who on earth I should vote for in this election and truly be at peace with my decision. I did it! I voted! For the first time ever and in what felt like our nation's most complicated election in the history of the US. I was proud of myself and pleased with my vote, nevermind the fact that my candidate came nowhere close to winning.



And there you have it! I think I have fared pretty well in that I have accomplished at least 10 of these, with a few more ones having been somewhat ambiguously accomplished as well. And, I think there are a number of things I'd like to add, but let's not get ahead of ourselves, hmm?

Here's to 34!
courtney